The Quiet Individual

I know, I know—this is two posts in one day (what a waste of creative resources, right?). But when something bugs you like something is bugging me, it's better to get it out instead of leaving it internalized. This is not to say that you shouldn't use restraint in things you say; words are powerful and should be wielded with care. But I am compelled to write this down, so prepare to read it up.

(Whoa—I just got a really cool picture in my mind of eyes shining rays of mystical light onto a page and beaming up the words from off of the paper. Reading as alien abduction. Awesome.)

Anyway, I want to gripe about society's fear of the quiet individual. I happen to be a rather quiet chap. As a recovering peoplephobe, I resent the attitude some loud people develop towards me. "You're being too quiet," they say; "You should talk more." The attitude is this: they feel that people owe it to everyone else to be as loud and as talkative as they are. Perhaps I am too quiet sometimes, but where it is possible to err in one direction, it is usually possible to err in the other direction too. If I'm too quiet, they are too loud.

What if I said, "You're being too loud; you should talk less"? This seems reasonable to me, but I never hear anyone say it—probably because those of us who think it are too content staying quiet.

Many people spout rivers of speech, but who will take the time to listen? Where do those rivers of speech flow? Does anyone stop to care?

There are different reasons behind my episodes of quietness. I called myself a recovering peoplephobe, and that's what I am. Afraid of people? Yes. Why? I don't know; but many people are afraid of spiders, whereas I am not. You feel uninhibited chatting with strangers; I feel uninhibited in close proximity to a spider. Fear is fear, and we are all fearful of different things.

Sometimes I feel restrained from speaking by self-consciousness: will I come off as stupid? Sometimes I feel restrained by attraction to the opposite sex: girls have a way of making me nervous. Sometimes I feel restrained by hierarchy: as a younger or less experienced man, I should respect the speaking authority. Sometimes I am restrained by fatigue: my mind is taking a nap. Sometimes I feel restrained by track record: I didn't make an initial impression of talkativeness, so nobody leaves room in the conversation for my comments (I have to butt in awkwardly). Sometimes I feel restrained by the sheer volume of words in a crowd: with so much speech flying around, someone should listen instead of adding to the chaos. Sometimes I am merely shy—is there any further explanation necessary?

In any case, do not tell a quiet person to talk more. It doesn't work, whatever their reasons for being quiet may be. In fact, it usually makes them more self-conscious and less motivated to interact. Don't put your burden of loudness on their shoulders. Instead, maybe you should consider quieting yourself down. Try talking with a quiet person in a quiet way without drawing undue attention to the fact that you are doing it. Don't call them out—draw them out.

Later.